I'm somewhat a closed book. It takes me a long time to open up and share what's in my heart. I didn't realize how closed off I come across until recently. In order to open up, like most people, I have to feel safe - that my stories, experiences and perspective wont be judged, condemned or laughed at. Sadly, it's been really hard for me to find that safe place - a sense of community.
One area I've been learning to open up with is hubby's and my supernatural experiences. Again, I didn't realize how close off I was with sharing. I guess I learned it's safer to stay quiet. One of the reasons is the drastic differences in opinions within the church. Another reasons, when you've been around church people long enough you realize it's not safe to be who God created you to be. There is so much push and fight for power and position that if you share true testimonies of God moving in your life the jealous ones will cut you off, sabotage you, and make sure you are isolated. It's sad, but trust me. They look at your like "God did that for you? Who are you? It should be me!" You learn it's best to keep your head low, especially if you don't want attention, like ME. I admit I've had seasons where I cared to much about the opinions of others, but I'm leaving that behind me as I enter my 30s.
Well last night a younger couple in their early 20s came over to visit with my husband and I. They mentioned how they'd want to get married after college, get a job, buy a house and this or that, but had no idea how it would happen, which led to my hubby and I sharing our testimony about God moving in our behalf. We've been in that place.
America's glorification of independence rubs off of church people to a fault, but God does not want us independent. He wants people dependent on Him. The challenges in my hubby's life have made him dependent on God and me suffering with an anxiety disorder and hormone issues most of my life have left me dependent on God. Things that seem easy for others are not easy for me, BUT God. Maybe it's this sincere dependance that opens us up for supernatural intervention? The Bible tells us that if we acknowledged God in all our ways that He will direct our steps. When we are dependent on God, we acknowledge Him in all our ways, and He responds by directing our steps. He wants control. It's in our best interest to give it to Him. He only wants good for us. :-)
As we began sharing with the young couple their faces lit up and mouths drop in shock. The young man said in amazement that he didn't know we were "prophetic" type of Christians. Which in return shocked me a little, because dreams and supernatural experiences is what drew my hubby and I together, we had this unspeakable bond. I didn't realize how private I made this part of my life, and how many people perceive us differently. I guess I'm not intimate (into-me-see) with many people. It's something I really want to work on - being intimate with more people, but only if I find safe places.
For many years I believed the lie that sharing our testimonies was frowned upon because people think you are showing off, or whatever it may be. When you start sharing about God's power and His ability to interrupt our reality the demons start throwing mean and hateful words your way. But after seeing how encouraged this young couple was I wanted to try and start sharing more since this is normal life for us. I can't let a few spiritual bullies stop us from sharing what God does for us. Our (you and me) testimonies encourage the ones with hearts after God. Evil people in the church hate the testimonies of the saints, but the true church, the children of God, rejoice over them.
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