Your vibe attracts your tribe

       Your vibe attracts your tribe. True or false? I think it leans more toward true. I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Some people seem to find their tribe easily while others of us keep searching with no luck. This quote made me think, maybe some of us can't find our tribe because we're giving off the wrong vibe. There are many reasons we may give off the wrong vibe but I think one of the reasons, which ties into another blog I posted about communication, may be we aren't accurately expressing who we are on the inside. For some reason who we are on the inside and how we appear on the outside can get skewed.    

      This also ties into my post about shedding. We have to shed the old things, the things we've out grown. One thing we may need to shed is old communication styles. It's not vain to work on the outside. Some may feel focusing on the outside is shallow but the reality is non-verbal communication whether outward appearances, tone of voice, gestures, mannerisms and more play a huge role in what we're communicating and putting into the universe for others to read, which ties into my true colors blog post.   If it's true that our vibe attracts our tribe, then maybe those of us who keep attracting the wrong people and/or having issues finding our tribe are simply not sending out vibes that match our authentic inner selves. 

         What vibes are we sending out if we don't know and understand ourselves?  Some of us know ourselves well but we don't have words, expressions, and tools to express that on the outside. It's a mistake to think if we're not trying to give off a vibe that no vibe is being sent. People are reading and feeling us out no matter what. So if we aren't proactive about the message we're sending we are probably sending the wrong one. I see this more clearly in my own life now that I'm lookin back. 

       Every form of outward expression is sending out a message about who we are. If we aren't being direct the message will come out wrong. I think the key for those of us having issues finding our tribe is to tune in to who we are and then figure out how that would translate on the outside. When our outside message matches our inside then we attract the right people. 

      Where is our communication failing? Is it cosmetic? Sadly we all judge a book by it's cover - some more than others. Make a point to share parts of yourself though material expression like jewelry, makeup, hair etc. Show who you are in diffrent ways. The more information you share the more likely your tribe will recognize you and vice versa. Maybe our communication is failing in the area of body language. It's crazy how much people assume they know about us based on what our body does. Again, take some time to think about who you are and what you want to communicate with your body language. There is no such thing as opting out. If you choose not to be intentional then you run the risk of your outsides not matching your insides and that's when miscommunication happens. If people have to assume they will most likely assume wrong. I know this from years of experience. I'm still learning how to accurately communicate in this way. I've been learning all of this the hard way. I never gave much thought to my non-verbal communication growing up. It's only recently that I've consider that I've been communicating all the wrong things.

       So what's your vibe?  Summed up - those who find their tribe not only know who they are on the inside but know how to accurately express themselves on the outside. When the inside and outside match our vibe draws in the right people. When they don't match we send out the wrong message attracting people we don't deeply vibe with and are unrecognizable to our true tribe. 

High School Roles

       I've spend years in church and what I've learned is that the role you had in High School will probably be the same social group you will be drawn to in life, including church. You may not believe me but ask those you consider friends in church. I bet they were in the same group you were in while in High School or reflect your same experience.
        Were you popular? I bet your buddies in church were too. Ask! All the popular people still have the same personality and are still drawn to each other, and acting just as preppy as ever. I'm not saying they are mean, I'm just saying it's the same. The same thing goes with everyone else. This is why there is such a cast system in church. This is why I was drawn to psychology and sociology. I see things differently. I notice things like this. I'm not being judgmental in my blogs. I shed light on these things in hopes that unity will prevail.
         Many times we don't know why we don't click with someone or why we are drawn to others. I'm speaking for myself as well. I was not "popular". I've always had a unique group of friends. I hung out with a little bit of everyone, but never really clicked with the "popular" people. I found myself not clicking with certain people at church and didn't know why. But then I realized who they were. They were the "popular" kids. The personality is still the same. When I realized what it was I was able to change and try and stretch myself for the sake of unity. It's not that anything was wrong with them or me. We just didn't click. We could both mature and grow in areas to help unity.
           Maybe you are "popular" and don't know why you don't click with someone. Well I'm telling you, it's probably because they fall into a different group which is most easily seen in high school where the cast system is more accepted, easily seen and less taboo. You see, in High School the group you fall into is more obviously because jocks have jackets, band people carry their instruments to and from school, cheerleaders wear their outfits and so forth, gothic kids wear black, rockers have the chains and spikes etc. Who we were was more clearly seen outwardly. As we get older most of us all begin looking the same for the most part, but our hearts, our personalities are still in those groups.
          I remember this one lady snubbed me at church. It was odd. I was like "okay?  You work with me!" She was nice but as I got to know her I realized she was a "popular girl". She's a grown women and yet still carries that with her. I could say hi to her but she was not going to address me first. She was drawn to the fashion forward, yuppy and those who were just as desperate to keep and maintain popularity. All her friends in church, her group, were all the popular kids in school too. Interesting, right? My tone in this blog is not one of judgment but fascination, so please don't read me wrong.
         There are these unseen social groups we fall into that stop us from truly embracing and loving each other the way we could if we recognized them. Who we were in high school is usually the social group we will fall into as an adult. As a church, though, we should work at ripping those walls down so we can all love each other better. That means dropping our prejudices and allowing people to be who they are and loving them anyway. The only one who knows our heart is God and ourselves. Lets take an honest look and ask what part we can play to promote unity.
         For me I had/have to stop the knee jerk/eye roll reaction I have to a preppy personality. I'm being honest. Many times we do  this to people without realizing it because we've done it so long. The hardest part is being honest with ourselves, after that it's easy. I know you just like me want to love people well. We only need to see what's hindering us and move it out of the way. :-)

Leaving Church?

     Before reading this please read the blog I posted before this one. It's a link to an article from Charisma.
       Now since you've read the article lets move forward to my blog and thoughts. I love this article. It's my hubs and my heart. The Lord asked us to start a bible study in our home for this reason. So many loving people who are discouraged about church (building) but still want fellowship - a safe place to share life with other believers.
       It's easy to demonize those who leave church but it's not an accurate view of those who leave. Many are God fearing and loyally in love with Jesus. Plus, demonizing them and calling them names is only going to push those who left farther away, proving in their minds/hearts why their leaving to begin with. 
     A few people commented on this article on Facebook saying those who left must not know Jesus or they must be focusing on the perfection of the pastor and not on Jesus and etc. But I don't think this is the case. Many I've talked to are discouraged about the people in church. They can't connect or break through. The New Testament is full of wisdom on how to get along and grow a thriving community of faith but you hardly hear pastors teaching on it. The apostles were no stranger to this. Much of the New Testament we read about them teaching people how to get along. It seems in today's church the normal people are leaving because of the misbehavior and unbalanced behavior of those within that never get corrected because everyone else is suppose to get over it. But the apostles did not have this attitude. So why do some of today's apostles exhibit this "toughen up" solution?
       Anywhere you have a group of people there will be issues because we are all different, but the key is allowing people to be open and honest so peace can be made. All to often people leave because they didn't feel safe enough to express their hurt either because of a lack of intimacy or a "get over it attitude" by those in the church. Unresolved issues cause people to pack up. Maybe the church is more focused on numbers and fame then on really touching people's lives and getting their hands dirty? If we are to help people and promote and thriving church fellowship our hands will have to get dirty sometimes.
        The bible says if we put in the work we will reap the benefits of a thriving community within our churches. But anytime someone mentions something that's tripping up the ultimate goal of unity they are told to toughen up, get over it and then they are isolated... so they leave. It's almost as if having a fake image of unity is more accepted then truly working toward the real thing. 
        People go to church for fellowship, family and connection and when they are lonely they won't stay. Church goers will say, "You have to go to church, you need accountability and relationship etc" but those who left are like, " I never got any of that at church just more rejection. What are you talking about?" You're either in or your out. Those who are in don't understand why those who are out feel the way they do and vise versa. The experience is quite different depending if your in or out. For this reason we can't be judgmental about people's experiences because each can be true at the same time.
       Sadly all to often if you are out and end up leaving you are then called rebellious. Rebellious is a word used to control those who don't fit our agenda. Many are tired of the social games, cliques, agendas.. and they simply want Jesus. How is this rebellious? I believe these small home churches the article mentions are God sent. I call them safe houses. They gather those who have been scattered and help heal their wounds.
       Another issues that's causing people to leave is charismatic abuse. I've heard so many heart breaking stories, experienced some and witnessed some. It's really turned us off from many charismatic places, which is unfortunate. I am spirit filled, but someone of the forcefulness of the charismatic movement has traumatized many including myself. That's why I believe my hubs and I would provide a safe place for fellowship within our home because we know what it's like on the other end.
    It's not surprising that within the comments the article received on Facebook how the attitude many face within the church surfaced. We express hurt and open our hearts about what's pushing us away and some still comment with flip quick remarks like, "Here's a simple solution: follow Christ.." Most people in church know to follow Christ and to look at Jesus. To say this simply proves that some don't want to be bothered. They are satisfied and don't want anyone messing up their perfect experience. The truth is as the article mentions this is a huge issue and many are leaving the church (building). Obviously, the flip remarks and the "just get over it attitude" is not a solution. Another poster said about those leaving church, "Perhaps, it is because the people in question are not truly Christian."  and a lady responded, "Not necessarily true. I have left church but not God. The churches I have attended are either dead and irrelevant, or too crazy charasmatic. Real bible teaching is practically non-existent. Fellowship...what fellowship! I've attended church (several different ones) for over 10 years and have no one in any of those churches I am in contact with. Cliques and groups rule. Not interested." I'd have to agree with the ladies response. How are we going to again demonize those who leave by saying they are not Christians? Instead we should look in the mirror and ask why are they leaving? Switching churches is hard, it's not fun. If people are leaving there are reasons. It would be wise to listen to those reasons, pray about them and see if God would have a solution or better way for us next time.
    Several people who commented got it right, in my opinion. They said, "Are they really leaving the Church? Or are they leaving traditional religion, manipulating organizations in search of a deeper truer relationship with God. Some are being called into "New wineskins." and " I think the heart of the article is not that people are leaving "church" but many are 'becomeing the Church" more in small simple fellowships then in big buildings... more like the original "Church"...
      I don't want anyone who reads this to think I'm against church (building) because that's not true. Even in our Bible studies I'll always encourage people to find a church or be faithful at the churches they are in. There are lots of great churches out there but no perfect church. Remember churches are hospitals for the hurting and everyone is welcome, therefore you will not always have the experience you hope for all the time. The key is having leadership that addresses issues, builds bridges and creates an atmosphere were hurt is safe to expose and be healed. The question is not if you will get hurt it's when. And when you do does your church promote healing,forgiveness and unity? Or does it sweep it under the rug, tell you to toughen up, and act careless to things hindering fellowship?

Facebook

I love Facebook! It's allowed me to stay in contact with people, make new friends, and advertise my book and ministry. It really is wonderful! So, what I'm about to say, is in no way meant to take anything away from Facebook's "fabulousness" lol.

I've personally notice that sometimes Facebook hinders me from moving on. Have you experienced this? Before Facebook, Myspace and other social networking sites, when a season ended, it ended! We wouldn't see those people anymore, or hear about certain events, or programs.

Social networking has made it difficult for many of us to identify the end of some seasons, and the beginning of others. We can easily hang on to old even dead season because we are still connected online. It's like a piece of our soul never fully release those things from our past because we continually see parts of the past daily.

Instead of focusing on what's ahead we are able to check-up on old friends, co-workers and so forth. Sometimes, this is a good thing because we are able to build bridges with people that time never allowed us to in person. That to me, is a God thing! 

Unfortunately, most times it is negative, because God wants us to move on. We've all heard the sayings about people not making into our future for reason, right? (I don't know the exact quotes, but you know what I mean, hopefully.) Social networking gives us a false sense that certain people have made it into our future, because we see their online activities, hear about their lives, and occasionally even share a few comments back and forth. 

On Facebook you are able to connect with childhood friends, school year friends and more. I'm not 100% sure this is a good thing. I don't believe God wants us collecting a bunch of people from out past in our present. I know some may disagree, but the key is following the Holy Spirit. God is in the buisness of bringing people back around, so some old connections could be a blessing, but make sure to check in with Jesus first. Last thing any of us need is the enemy bringing a bunch of old stuff to clutter all the wonderful new stuff God is doing in our lives.

Anyway that's my two cents about facebook and seasons.