Baptism of the Holy Spirit

      The way the baptism of the Holy Spirit with the evidence of speaking in tongues is administered may intimidate & scare some people. I know because I used to be one of those people.  I'm quiet, I don't like attention or performing in front of others. I'm happy in the background. But the baptism of the Holy Spirit is usually administered in groups and some people have louder displays of manifestation than others. So you may be left wondering if you measure up. Why wasn't my experience as intense? While at the same time dreading and secretly hoping your experience isn't as crazy or as public.
     I can honestly say the Holy Spirit is always extremely gentle with me. It's people, groups and ministers who can be rough. I was blessed to be part of a church in my teens and early 20s that was encouraging and shared many unique testimonies about the Holy Spirit that made me feel safe. For example, they shared a testimony about a famous preacher who only received one word, one single sound when baptized in the Holy Spirit. He spoke that one word over and over until the Holy Spirit gave him more.
        This testimony blessed me tremendously because I had a similar experience. I received  one word while women next to me started speaking sentences and paragraphs in the Holy Spirit. They were loud , shaking excitedly and bold. Whereas I was shy, uncomfortable and intimidated by the entire setting and experience. I felt almost embarrassed and ashamed that I didn't get a full language at first, or so it seemed. But the testimony about this prominent preacher only getting one word was exactly what I needed to hear. And maybe it's what you need to read?
        After that anytime I was driving my car or in my bedroom I'd turn off my worship music and sing my own songs to God and then say the word I had received while also praising God interchangeably. I'd do this over and over until I got two words, then three word, until I had a complete language that flowed.
        Sometimes we don't receive the evidence of speaking in tongues because we stop perusing it after an event. You may only want it while a minister is inviting you to participate but when you leave you forget about it. It's important that you want it. The Holy Spirit is not going to force you or possess you. We must desire it!
         I remember that I never let it go. I was holding on until it was completely mine. I never lost focus or forgot what I wanted. I remember getting a Joyce Meyer's tape on the baptism of the Holy Spirit which I played over and over again, too. I also listened to Lisa Comes minster about the Holy Spirit many times, which always blessed me tremendously. I remember going up for prayer several times after receiving my prayer language because I wanted more. I'm so thankful I pushed through the awkwardness  because being completely filled with the Holy Spirit, with the evidence of speaking in tongues, for the last 14ish yrs has been worth it!
      I've also heard testimonies of people being baptized in the Holy Spirit alone in their bed rooms. God knows your personality and what you need. Find a place you're at peace. Or find a friend you trust who is able and willing to lead and minister to you in this area.
         I share this because I deeply love the body of Christ and I know there are many like me. If that's you, I want you to feel peace, I want you to feel loved, I want you to feel safe and encouraged. Not every spirit-filled tongue-talking, vision-seeing, dream-writing, casting-out demons Christian is a loud extrovert. Some of us have anxiety and wrestle depression and dislike crowds and being center stage. We come in all shapes, sizes, personalities and comfort zones. I know how often only one type of charismatic Christian is highlighted, which leaves the more reserved Christians feeling like something is wrong.
     I read a book that gave statistics on how many Introverted spirit-filled Christians leave charismatic churches and settle for a more traditional church setting because they can't handle the overwhelming amount of extroverts and extroverted directed activities that take place at many Spirit-filled churches. It really makes you wonder. Somehow and someway being extroverted has become the most Godly and celebrated personality trait in some places. It's simply not true. There is an entire group of Spirit Filled Christians many churches are chasing away and neglecting. Sadly, they have found their home elsewhere, usually in churches that don't recognize or benefit from their spiritual gifts they carry. I believe that's a disservice to the entire body of Christ. I would love to see more reserved and introverted people participating and enjoying fellowship in places that flowed in the Spirit.
       My husband and I are fairly reserved for some places and a bit more expressive than other places. I know my hubby will start jumping in worship when the Holy Spirit moves him. I know my hands will shake and feel hot and I'll often cry while praising God and being moved by His presence. Everyone is different. And everyone's peace zone is different. Maybe God will stretch you slowly or maybe He won't. But who you are in this moment is enough. There is no judgment. There is no shame. The Holy Spirit is our comforter and friend. He is for us and not against us.
      Maybe I'll begin sharing more of my insecure awkward moments and how I survived them in hopes it encourages someone. I know those types of testimonies always strengthen me.

New Year, New Territory.

       New Year, New Territory. At least that's what I keep hearing. Excitingly, that's the way my new year seems to be heading. 

       My hubby has been in and out of the real estate business for several years. I've been praying about joining him. Countless dreams and confirmations and yet I still procrastinate. What am I waiting for? 

      After  waking up from a frantic dream where I'm holding my hubby's business binders in my arms, while running late and rushing to get my courses done before an adult school bus comes; I decided I should probably get the process started. I enrolled! Of course, I'll still be working on all my book projects. :-) 

        I've also had several dreams where I'm talking to Donald Trump; this before all the hype started. There was also a lady over five years ago who spoke into my life about entering into business with my hubby (friend at the time). Again, procrastinator over here! God is so good. He holds our place and continues to beckon us to join Him in His plans for our lives. He never stops reminding us about His desires for us.

      Hubby and I have been praying and talking about it for a long time, too. There is no harm in jumping in. Our plans are for me to help hubby with the paper work and the behind the scenes work at first.

       One thing I've learned about making plans is they often unfold differently than we pictured. We take steps in faith and God completes the picture. So, there may be some adjusting as we move forward; it's always expected. 

       The spiritual picture I love, one I shared in my first book, is a child trying to work a puzzle. The child has the right piece in their hand, but they have not realized the need to turn the puzzel piece. They begin getting frustrated, pushing harder and harder, until they finally look up and ask for help in their desperation. The teacher smiles and kneels beside them at the table and gently turns the puzzle piece and it slides easily into place. The child's face lights up in amazement. From there on the child turns all the pieces until they are in position and fit with ease. They knew they had the right piece and the right slot.

       The same is true in our lives. We have the right piece, the right place, but we too need adjusting, some turning, until we slide into place. We often quit, worrying the adjustment and turning  processes are signs of getting it wrong, but this is often not the case. We not only need the right piece, right place, but we need the right position; this may take a little patience. Otherwise, we will live in constant pressure; ultimately leading to weariness. Proper alignment brings an ease and enjoyment.

       So, when you  hear from God and take your steps in faith, stay calm. We think things will fit one way, but they usually need a little tweaking before things slide into place with ease. Trust God as you move forward. His ways our not our ways. We only see in part. 

        This year will prove to be a great year filled with growth and opportunity.

iPhone upgrade

      When I upgraded my iPhone I lost all my notes. For whatever reason they aren't on my icloud. This happened over a week ago and every-time I think about it I grieve their loss and feel the ripping in my soul for a moment. I lost poetry, random 3 a.m. writings and expressions only long nights with God could hold. I wish I had courage to share my random sentences and poetry on my blog. They aren't polished and edited but they are raw pictures of pain and hope and the joy that always comes in the morning. Our God is so good. 

        My new phone is already holding a collection of entries. I pray the words that were lost would be counted as seeds for future works. I know the fountain within me continues to flow with living water. I'll never feel defeated because there is always more from where the previous came from, but I know the sting will linger for a time.

Your vibe attracts your tribe

       Your vibe attracts your tribe. True or false? I think it leans more toward true. I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Some people seem to find their tribe easily while others of us keep searching with no luck. This quote made me think, maybe some of us can't find our tribe because we're giving off the wrong vibe. There are many reasons we may give off the wrong vibe but I think one of the reasons, which ties into another blog I posted about communication, may be we aren't accurately expressing who we are on the inside. For some reason who we are on the inside and how we appear on the outside can get skewed.    

      This also ties into my post about shedding. We have to shed the old things, the things we've out grown. One thing we may need to shed is old communication styles. It's not vain to work on the outside. Some may feel focusing on the outside is shallow but the reality is non-verbal communication whether outward appearances, tone of voice, gestures, mannerisms and more play a huge role in what we're communicating and putting into the universe for others to read, which ties into my true colors blog post.   If it's true that our vibe attracts our tribe, then maybe those of us who keep attracting the wrong people and/or having issues finding our tribe are simply not sending out vibes that match our authentic inner selves. 

         What vibes are we sending out if we don't know and understand ourselves?  Some of us know ourselves well but we don't have words, expressions, and tools to express that on the outside. It's a mistake to think if we're not trying to give off a vibe that no vibe is being sent. People are reading and feeling us out no matter what. So if we aren't proactive about the message we're sending we are probably sending the wrong one. I see this more clearly in my own life now that I'm lookin back. 

       Every form of outward expression is sending out a message about who we are. If we aren't being direct the message will come out wrong. I think the key for those of us having issues finding our tribe is to tune in to who we are and then figure out how that would translate on the outside. When our outside message matches our inside then we attract the right people. 

      Where is our communication failing? Is it cosmetic? Sadly we all judge a book by it's cover - some more than others. Make a point to share parts of yourself though material expression like jewelry, makeup, hair etc. Show who you are in diffrent ways. The more information you share the more likely your tribe will recognize you and vice versa. Maybe our communication is failing in the area of body language. It's crazy how much people assume they know about us based on what our body does. Again, take some time to think about who you are and what you want to communicate with your body language. There is no such thing as opting out. If you choose not to be intentional then you run the risk of your outsides not matching your insides and that's when miscommunication happens. If people have to assume they will most likely assume wrong. I know this from years of experience. I'm still learning how to accurately communicate in this way. I've been learning all of this the hard way. I never gave much thought to my non-verbal communication growing up. It's only recently that I've consider that I've been communicating all the wrong things.

       So what's your vibe?  Summed up - those who find their tribe not only know who they are on the inside but know how to accurately express themselves on the outside. When the inside and outside match our vibe draws in the right people. When they don't match we send out the wrong message attracting people we don't deeply vibe with and are unrecognizable to our true tribe. 

House Hunting Testimony

           My hubby and I have many testimonies that I want to slowly start sharing to edify and encourage whoever may read.  I know that during my seasons of brokenness I clung to such testimonies. A testimony says, "If God can do it for me, He can do it for you" because He is not a respecter of persons - He doesn't play favorites. I will start with the testimony I shared this weekend with the young couple visiting us (as mentioned in the post before). 

          After my hubby and I had been married a year our apartment rent went up. Fear and anxiety filled my heart as I read the slip of paper listing our options for renewal. What were we going to do? None of the options listed were going to work for us. My husband and I began searching for another apartment, but nothing - every door kept closing. We knew God could speak to us and continued to pray and started planning a time to fast. Fasting as always been a powerful spiritual weapon for us.

        When my hubby first moved out of his family home he faced the same situation and called out to the Lord, who spoke to him in a dream, speaking the name of the apartment three times. Being a dreamer my hubby knew to obey and went to the apartment offices. They were having a special. It was perfect. He happily lived there for several years. God led him to the right place at the right time! So, we knew He could do it again. 

         I forget how the idea of looking for a house came to play but we began talking about it. We called several lenders but the phone would get disconnected or they wouldn't answer until finally the third one we called picked up right away. With all we've been through we know not to question God, we figured we weren't meant to talk to the other lenders. Our lender ended up crediting us a couple thousand for closing costs. Yay! But I'm getting ahead of myself.

        We got pre-approved by our lender and got a realtor. I was so stressed out a patch of my hair started falling out. I have pictures if you want to see the bald patch that was hiding under my long hair. We continued to pray. We had to find a house before our lease was up. 

       After talking with our realtor, she lined up some houses for us to see. As hubby and I walked to our car to meet our realtor to look at houses for the first time, I receive a call from an unknown number. While pulling out I play the voice mail and it's a man. The man tells us he's a prophet and for us not to worry because God is going to provide for us. OMGOSH! Are you kidding me? We are in the car about to go see houses for the first time and we get this call?!?! Through the stress and fear we had a super natural peace. God is with us! We are heading in the right direction! Thank you Daddy for looking after us. 

           Shortly after we started house hunting we found one that seemed to fit our needs, but I was not thrilled about it. Hubby was insistent so I agreed and went with it and we put an offer. We prayed and asked God to open or close doors according to His will. I didn't want the house but knew we needed it. I asked God to give us clarity. I told God my emotions are to rapped up in the situation and I couldn't trust myself to hear Him. Hubby agreed and we prayed that God would reveal the truth to someone who was out of the loop. Someone who had no idea what was going on with us. He did.             

       While waiting to see if our offer was accepted hubby gets a phone call from a friend who didn't know what we were up too. His friend said he had a dream and I didn't like the house we were dealing with. I see hubby's face get sad as he's on the phone listening to the dream and my heart sinks when I hear. I know it's true. I tried to deny my negative feelings about the house because we were in desperate need of a house. We agree to let it go in our hearts since our prayers were answered. Our friend found it fascinating because he never dreams. God used someone who least expected it. A few minutes later we get a call from our realtor and our offer wasn't accepted. Turns out the lady doesn't even want to sell her house anymore.  We continue to pray and encourage one another with the divine phone call we received when we first started the house hunting journey. 

         Shortly after we find another house we want to put an offer on, but first we wait it out and pray it out for another day. My dad calls us the next morning and says he was tossing and turning all night. He couldn't sleep because he was conflicted and didn't have peace about this decision we were about to make. God has spoken to my Dad in dreams before so we respected what he said and heeded the warning. Especially since we were passionately praying for God's direction. Come to find out the house had major foundation issues. Again, God was leading us when our emotions hindered us from hearing.

          The searching continued and the end of our lease continued to get closer. To add to the stress, the apartment sent us a letter saying they were painting our stair railing the day we were moving out from the third floor. Can you imagine trying to move furniture down with wet paint? I was freaking out, BUT God - they changed the date!

       There was one house we looked at early on that hubby said he couldn't get out of his mind, but because of the natural wood floors and other things we passed it up. We decided to look at it again with fresh eyes and a fresh heart. Hubby said that was the house, something in him just knew, but we move forward slowly. We even decided to walk away from it. Hubby said he felt a ripping in his spirit when we walked away and was  grieved all night and prayed continuously. When he finally fell asleep he had a dream. In the dream he walks into an office and sees balloons and party decor with a huge banner that says "Case Closed". When he woke up we knew the house was ours. It was a done deal. 

          The sellers ended up calling us and giving us what we wanted. Come to find out the house was on sale for 20k more the year before and someone was interested but it fell through on the buyers end. The seller wanted to hurry and sell and dropped the price, making it within our budget. As we finished up the deal our lender credited us to help with closing. 

       As for the natural untouched wood floors, hubby's coworker volunteered to refinish them for us as a gift. We ended up getting the keys to our house the day we were to be out of the apartment. We had the uhaul packed and ready. And the new season began. 

Opening Up

      I'm somewhat a closed book. It takes me a long time to open up and share what's in my heart. I didn't realize how closed off I come across until recently. In order to open up, like most people, I have to feel safe - that my stories, experiences and perspective wont be judged, condemned or laughed at. Sadly, it's been really hard for me to find that safe place - a sense of community.

         One area I've been learning to open up with is hubby's and my supernatural experiences. Again, I didn't realize how close off I was with sharing. I guess I learned it's safer to stay quiet. One of the reasons  is the drastic differences in opinions within the church. Another reasons, when you've been around church people long enough you realize it's not safe to be who God created you to be. There is so much push and fight for power and position that if you share true testimonies of God moving in your life the jealous ones will cut you off, sabotage you, and make sure you are isolated. It's sad, but trust me. They look at your like "God did that for you? Who are you? It should be me!" You learn it's best to keep your head low, especially if you don't want attention, like ME. I admit I've had seasons where I cared to much about the opinions of others, but I'm leaving that behind me as I enter my 30s.

        Well last night a younger couple in their early 20s came over to visit with my husband and I. They mentioned how they'd want to get married after college, get a job, buy a house and this or that, but had no idea how it would happen, which led to my hubby and I sharing our testimony about God moving in our behalf. We've been in that place.

          America's glorification of independence rubs off of church people to a fault, but God does not want us independent. He wants people dependent on Him. The challenges in my hubby's life have made him dependent on God and me suffering with an anxiety disorder and hormone issues most of my life have left me dependent on God. Things that seem easy for others are not easy for me, BUT God. Maybe it's this sincere dependance that opens us up for supernatural intervention? The Bible tells us that if we acknowledged God in all our ways that He will direct our steps. When we are dependent on God, we acknowledge Him in all our ways, and He responds by directing our steps. He wants control. It's in our best interest to give it to Him. He only wants good for us. :-)

          As we began sharing with the young couple their faces lit up and mouths drop in shock. The young man said in amazement that he didn't know we were "prophetic" type of Christians. Which in return shocked me a little, because dreams and supernatural experiences is what drew my hubby and I together, we had this unspeakable bond. I didn't realize how private I made this part of my life, and how many people perceive us differently. I guess I'm not intimate (into-me-see) with many people. It's something I really want to work on - being intimate with more people, but only if I find safe places.

         For many years I believed the lie that sharing our testimonies was frowned upon because people think you are showing off,  or whatever it may be. When you start sharing about God's power and His ability to interrupt our reality the demons start throwing mean and hateful words your way. But after seeing how encouraged this young couple was I wanted to try and start sharing more since this is normal life for us.  I can't let a few spiritual bullies stop us from sharing what God does for us. Our (you and me) testimonies encourage the ones with hearts after God. Evil people in the church hate the testimonies of the saints, but the true church, the children of God, rejoice over them.

Dreaming Rose Creations

 Besides writing books, I've picked up candle making. I've actually been at it for over a year and find it very therapeutic. I love the creative process. I even opened an online shop, though most of my sales are in person. Who knew I'd sell out so fast! New scents coming out mid May!!

Feel free to check out my shop: Dreaming Rose Creations 

 

 

Divine encouragment

       I recently got a word/vision for someone. It happens often when someone is facing a situation or is at a cross road or needing encouragement. I thought it was just for me to pray about since I'm not connected with this person at all. But then I came across an article where the person writes about desiring the very things I saw for her. Now I believe if she knew she'd be greatly encouraged. So I'm praying if it's God's will for me to deliver this encouragement that He'd connect us in some way. Otherwise it will remain something I stand in faith with her for, even if she never knows someone else is in agreement with her.

       I don't know why people despise prophetic people. Okay. Yes. I. do. They despise prophetic people because of all the whack-a-doodles that pretend to walk in such gifts. All the people with false motives and agendas. Trust me I've met my share. I've met the crazies that don't know their left from their right. I've met the power trip people who lust for prophetic gifts to slap a label on themselves and push others down. I've met a trail mix of people claiming these things.  It's easy to toss the whole thing out. I even wanted to do that for a long time. I stopped recording my dreams. I tried to shut God out in this way, but I can't. It's who I am in Him. It just happens. I don't have to work it up or do anything but be me - filled with Him. As long as I'm staying in the word, ministering to Him in worship and keeping myself spiritually healthy it flows on it's own. Sometimes people assume you can switch it on and off and grant words as wishes to a genie but it doesn't work that way. It comes from a place of friendship with God. It's about relationship with Him. The more you nurture that relationship the more clearly you will hear and see spiritually. The same goes for all spiritual gifts. It's all about staying connected with Him and tossing out anything that threatens that connections.

        Just as with any gift it has to be trained, sharpened and brought to maturity. This takes years. I started learning as a child and yet I still feel I have so much more room to grow. There is no end. It's like learning a different language. The language and whispers of God. Much of my learning has been through making mistakes. Hearing God but interpreting Him the way I wanted or assumed (with a sincere heart). Guess what!? It doesn't matter how you interpret or twists God's word, it will be what it was intended to be. When we see the obvious difference between what we thought and what actually was, we learn and correct ourselves if we are sincerely seeking God. People who are honestly seeking God look at themselves in a spiritual mirror and examine their hearts often. It's important to cast away our own agendas and anything that could block our reception.

        Anyway I'm really excited for this girl I had dream/word/vision for. God's got great things planned for her and it seems she's already tuned into it. She already feels and senses it throughout her whole being.  That's awesome.

Happy 2yrs!

      This October my hubby and I celebrated two years of marriage (read about how we met HERE.) October is a special month for us. It's also my hubby's birthday month and the month we bought our house. To celebrate such a fun season we took a road trip to Nashville, TN. It was beyond fun. We've always loved road tripping together. The open road, music, quality time,  random stops etc all make it one of our favorite things to do. We drove through north Texas and straight across Arkansas - next time we want to spend a little more time in Arkansas, because of our schedule, we didn't get to see the mountains. 

       Once we arrive in Nashville there was so much to do. We visited the Country Music Hall of Fame Museum and toured the Reba exhibit along with other artist features. We toured RCA's famed Studio B (insane!!). We also enjoyed walking down Music Row and listening to live music on Broadway. We even visited the Grand Ole Opry and the Gaylord Opryland Resort & Convention Center. Next time we are going to catch a show at the Opry. 

         After soaking up Nashville for a few days we headed to Memphis, TN to see ELVIS! Graceland was a trip, a serious time warp. Only half the house was open to the public. Elvis never allowed anyone upstairs and it remains that way today. After touring his house we toured his automobile collection and his private plane. I must say, I'm thankful at how design has evolved. Everything in Graceland seemed dark, narrow and extremely gaudy. It's hard to believe people lived like that. As for the spirit of Elvis, the Graceland tour along with studio B really gave me a sense of who he really was outside of his celebrity status. It was fascinating.
      Interesting facts about Elvis: * Elvis had a identical twin, Jesse Garon, that died at birth. *Elvis greeted everyone when he arrived at the studio. He wanted everyone to know they were appreciated. * Elvis was an artist and had to set the mood for each song. He often used colored lighting or no lights (pitch black) to achieve the right emotion while recording. For example the song, "Are you lonesome tonight" was record in the dark, you can hear Elvis hit his head on the microphone towards the end of the song. *Elvis didn't start wearing crazy clothes because of fame, according to his classmates, Elvis was very flamboyant and quirky since grade school and was made fun of for it. *Elvis was extremely generous. He gave away numerous cars and paid off people's debt (even strangers).
       After spending some time in Memphis, hubby and I headed home with hopes of visiting again soon. Nashville definitely holds a special place in our hearts. Hubby always jokes about us packing up and moving....we'll see...maybe one day.

When inspiration hits

      I have 50 draft articles in my blog account. Those are articles I started but laid aside to finish, "tomorrow". The thing is when inspiration hits, we need to respect it and give it the time it requires to create what it's intended to create, otherwise we lose momentum. Like ME!! And my 50 draft articles!! What in the world!!

     I'm still excited and a believer in each article, but it's slightly overwhelming to think about capturing the same frame of mind and spirit to finish them all. I'm slightly disappointed with myself for putting off so many.

     I'm learning from this feeling of disappointment to pound out each message as it comes because "tomorrow" never really comes. Inspiration beckons me toward something else and I never get a chance to come back and finish what needed to be finished yesterday. I need to complete each article while I'm in the flow.

        Hopefully some of these draft articles make it onto my blog eventually.

Influential ministries in my life

      How did you become who you are today? If you are Christians, I'm sure you'd say, God. I agree, God deserves all the praise. But who did God use to help shape you, grow you and mature you spiritually? Lots of ministries have sowed a little here and there, but there are specific people that have played bigger roles in my life.

        If I had to make a short list of the most influential, life changing, people in my spiritual walk with God it would be as such: (not in order)

John Paul Jackson - His teaching on dreams and holiness gave me a safe place to learn about the encounters and events in my own life. Learning to understand God in this way has shaped and directed my life greatly. God is speaking, are we listening?

Jason Upton - Jason Upton's intimate worship and truth speaking revolutionized my time with God and changed the path my spiritual life was heading in. I first heard of Jason Upton through a "dreamer" friend, and first saw a video of him at Jentezen Francklin's church. I've even heard angles singing at one of his events, which has happened several times at his events from what's I've heard. Jason Upton eventually opened the door for me to discover Jonathan David Helser who has been a great influence as well.

Jonathan David Helser - Jonathan's musical style has a folk country sound. It's so relaxing. I've been listening to him since 2005. One word - intimacy. Check him out, his sounds brings healing to broken hearts and encouragement to the weary. This is the first ministry that truly showed me what the family of God should look like in heart and action. His farm house internships and events are something truly sincere. I'd love my future kids to participate in something like that.

Joel Osteen  - I sat under Joel Osteen for 10 years. I'm so happy God used Joel to built such a firm foundation at such a young age. Because of Joel I have a foundation of hope. You don't realize how important this is until you go to other churches and meet other Christians and see how defeated and depressed people are. I'm so thankful that I know how to encourage myself and build myself up with God's promises. He was truly my first pastor (other than random places I went as a kid). He's deposited a measure of faith in me that can never been taken. I will always have a "glass half full" perspective. God is for me!

Jentezen Franklin - His teaching about Python really helped point me in the right direction as a teenager. . I will never forget the video skit about Python at his church. He went on to minister to me greatly with all his other books as well. Not to mention, fasting. Fasting has changed my hubby's and my life. So many miracles and breakthroughs!

Leo Tyler - Healthy Soul Ministries is an amazing discipleship program that my husband and I spent several years sitting under. Leo opened our eyes to a freedom process that truly works for us. We discovered our personality types, how to identify and be healed of past hurts and walk in our new nature. As a psychology lover, Leo's christian class changed our life.

Kim Clement - Kim's whimsical and quirky prophetic style are a true gift. He's so far out of the box that you can't helped but be refreshed. It's a nice change of pace. His encouraging and musical nature have a special place in my heart.

Parenting Goals

     I'm not a mother, yet. But I already love my future children. I find myself praying for them and blessing them in my quiet time. I've gotten several dreams about the names of two of my children. I'm sure other women have experienced this. The Holy Spirit has really been working in me and speaking to me about what it means to be a parent and challenging me to really think about what His goals are.
    I've been jotting down notes here and there about my hopes and dreams for my children and how He wants me to raise them. 
   
Some of my notes are as such (this is a rough list):

-Help my kids develop mentally, emotionally and spiritually

-Add no emotional trauma

- look into their eyes and truly see them, everyday

-cherish the moments and never forget this is the good old days

-To be a safe place where issues are healed not covered or exploited

-teach them to think for themselves and to be assertive

-Leaders not followers, yet respectful of authority

-Routine is resistance to wonder. Encourage my child’s sense of wonder.

-Recognize my children’s gifts, talents and joys and help them sharpen and peruse them

-Above all teach my children to love God, love others and reach out.

 

    What are or were some of your goals for you and your children? I want to pray over this list and edited as the Lord leads, then hang it on my mirror or in my office and read it every morning. I guess my list is more about myself - reminding me not to control them or forget them, but truly see them and enjoy them, and help them grow into all God created them to be. I don't want to be swept away and never truly be present.  :-)

I've misssed you!

    Hey friends! I've missed blogging. So much has been going on this past few weeks. My hubs and I bought a house! Between moving, living at my parents while refinishing wood floors and painting, then settling into our house, painting some more, unpacking, fixing the fence so our Basset Hound wont escape, decorating and more, I've been super busy. Through it all I was still inspired to write several blogs, but it's been hard to focus and finish them. I took notes on my phone so I hope to post some inspiration soon. I even started a few but saved them as a "draft". I haven't even had time to sit down and truly focus on my editor's edits on my 3rd book (2nd in the Notes for the Goats series). I can't wait to touch it up and publish it...finally. :-) Love and miss y'all.
     

Happy 1yr Anniversary

"Then Jesus went around teaching from village to village. Calling the Twelve to him, he began to send them out two by two and gave them authority..." - Mark 6:7 NIV  

     Wowzers! It's our 1 year anniversary today! I can't believe we've been married a whole year already, where did the time go? I'm the luckiest girl in the whole world. God blessed me beyond measure when He allowed my best friend and I to get married.
     So many changes have already taken place and some still around the corner (like our first house). Marriage is so special when the one you marry is actually your friend. We are able to be silly, childish and have fun with each other. We have so much in common as friends usually do. It keeps us connected in may ways. I feel one with my husband. He is mine and I am his, connected at the hip. We catch ourselves calling each other at the same time, thinking the same thoughts and feeling what the other is feeling. I can imagine how much our connection will grow as the years continue. (It helps that we were friends for 9-10 yrs before we got married ;-) lol )
       As I shared before in another post we've been house hunting. We actually found a house and should be getting the keys any day now. We are excited to start our 2nd year of marriage in a house.
      
       

Dog Ranch for People too :-)

      Throughout my life there has only been a few things I've been passion about like,  Jesus, animals, art, writing, healing homosexuality,helping homeless people, dreams, and few others here and there. Thankfully God has allowed me to walk in one of my passions as an author. I've published 2, soon to be 3 books (and many more in the works). I'm grateful that the Holy Spirit deposits books in me.       
        Besides being an author/writer I'd like to open a "Dog Ranch" tag line "His eye is on the sparrow, so I know He watches me". This ranch would combine several things I love - helping hurting people, the country and animals (dogs). We'd provide housing for hurting people (homeless people maybe, or drug addicts, sex addicts etc) and rehabilitate them. These people would work on the ranch taking care of the homeless dogs that we rescue from shelters (before they are euthanized). Animals have a way of healing people and bringing joy in ways other things can't, that's why they are taken to hospitals, nursing homes and schools. Allowing the hurting people to care for the dogs would allow both human and dog to heal deep within their hearts.
       The ranch would provide Christian counseling, church services and activities, discipleship programs and more for those staying there. The possibilities are endless. We could even grow pumpkins and Christmas trees to raise money each season (another activity they can learn and take part in). We will also have adoption events to adopt out the dogs they have helped train and nurture back to health. They can study and learn about dogs and lead obedience classes for the new owners as well. This will allow them to walk in leadership roles and have more responsibilities. As they transition out of our ranch and into the real world they can also adopt a dog they've grown close to throughout their healing process. It would be neat if the dog they bonded with could stay in their cabin with them as a buddy (just depends on living environment). Our ranch will help them find jobs and find a stable safe home. We will also have people who will check in on them throughout the years to make sure everything is going smoothly and provide additional counseling. We'd have to hire people that LOVE people and LOVE animals.
     Honestly I have no idea how this vision will come to pass, but I wanted to blog it because it's been in me for so long. I wanted to officially write it down. When I picture the ranch in my head. I see a hunter green barn and white trim, but that's cosmetic and God may have something else in mind. I see lots of open land, I see open areas for  the dogs to run, also cabins where our residence will live, and counseling center and a sanctuary where we can have Christian bands come and speakers to minister to those living there. I also see a farming area where we grow seasonal things to sell.
       Taking care of dogs in a shelter type setting takes lots of work. So we would pay our residence a small amount to teach them how to handle money, with an assigned "mentor" to hold their hand during beginning stages. The money they earn while working (cleaning, walking, training, etc)  will be saved up for when they transition out of our facility (for a used car or emergency funds when living on their own). This way they don't fall back into their old cycle of lack and defeat.
       Lord willing this vision will come to pass. My hubs and I love people and love dogs. God can do anything. I pray He sends us a dream and shows us if, when and how. As for now I'm glad to have this finally posted somewhere. :-)

Shareing the Wealth

    Politics! I don't follow a donkey or an elephant but a LION! I have yet to see a president that represents what I believe the Bible says. There are issues on both sides that I agree and disagree with, but one of the biggest things that gets on my nervs is when Republicans/Christians get heated over the idea of "sharing the wealth".  Now I'm not saying the Democrats would execute this idea in a productive way that would do as much good as it could, but the concept IF done right is Biblical. The thing is it can't be a government forced issue, it needs to be from a transformed heart willing to give. It needs to come from the church.
      We as Christians should be paying for people's health care, food, schooling, and more! I know some don't agree but it's in the Bible. I know many Christians give to other countries and that's great, but we are called to give to those that live among us as well. I feel like so much of our money goes over seas that our own people go without. Read the book of Acts, it shows us what the church should look like.
      "Everyone around was in awe—all those wonders and signs done through the apostles! And all the believers lived in a wonderful harmony, holding everything in common. They sold whatever they owned and pooled their resources so that each person's need was met" - Acts 2:42-47 THE MESSAGE
     So this entitled attitude from Republican Christians that say people should work hard and do everything on their own is false. We are called to share the wealth! I know this angers many Republicans, but truly, sharing the wealth is a Biblical concept. The problem is here in America we are so used to having our own of everything. "This is my house, my car, my vacation, my college tuition, my health insurance, my family...etc" We've created a little world that's perfect and many of us feel self-righteous about it.
    I did recently come across a Christian health care plan called "MedShare" where Christians come together to pay each others health care bills. Now, I have not researched this company but IF it is what it advertises then that's awesome! Because God's called us to share our wealth! Blessed to be a blessing does not mean just feeding orphans overseas. It means paying for your neighbor's broken down car so he can go to work, it means helping someone out of debt they were forced into to feed their family, paying for an unexpected surgery, offering to bring someone groceries or filling their tank with gas. Pooling our resources so that each person's needs are met! (I'm preaching to myself too).
    Another reason why we see very little of this "sharing the wealth" from today's Christians is because we've all created lives for ourselves that we can not afford. When is enough, enough? My friend's husband got a huge raise at work and now her family is making almost 100k a year. Instead of being happy she said, "If only I could make 1k a month more, THEN we could bless people." Are you kidding me? Sadly this is the state of many wealthy Christians in America. We think God's provision means we will live like Hollywood celebrities, when in fact we are already more wealthy then most people.
      Our ideas of prosperity are twisted. God does not give us more money to buy more STUFF. He gives us more money to give it away and bless others. *think about that* :-)

What is a friend?

     Facebook has been very revealing. It's been a blessing and a burden. You get to see who your friends truly are and who they are not. Definitely bitter sweet. What is a friend? What are some qualities that makes someone a good friend? What are some of the things you expect from your friends? When I call someone a friend it means a lot. I expect my friends to be supportive, responsive and available.
       Facebook reveals people's hearts. You may invite your "friend" out to lunch and your "friend" ignores your post for weeks, yet when someone else invites them they respond within minutes. Revealing, right? You may start a business page or fan page in order to bring attention to your work and yet only half your "friends" bother showing any support even though you've made a point to advertise it several times. Revealing, right? The different revealing scenarios is endless, but each just as painful when you realize what's been uncovered, which is, your "friend" doesn't really like you and is probably not your "friend" at all. Just someone who is polite when they see you in person.
       I have two facebook pages. The 1st page is for everyone who adds me. It's pretty general and I use it for ministry. I have several thousand friends on there and I don't expect much, though I'm continually surprised at how much more supportive strangers are than people I actually know. My 2nd page is for people I know in person - it's more personal. I share about my personal life and post pictures of my family. I have several hundred friends on there, but I'm constantly cleaning it out. I expect more from people on that page. They are suppose to be those closest to me. I don't want people to simply spy on my life and yet there heart be far from me.
       People whose heart's are far from you are usually not supportive (though they may not outwardly say so, their actions speak loud and clear), they are not responsive, and never available (in anyway). Yet they spy on your life through Facebook. I don't have time for these relationships. As I find out who these people are I delete them. They can remain friends with me on my 1st page (the general one).
       Technology has changed relationships in a big way. We can not ignore it's effects. School, church and business relationships are touched by online social networking. Friendships will either be strengthened or thrown away many times solely based on interactions online. I believe this is because in person people can wear a "face" and be fake, whereas online you must take actions either by responding, participating or joining. It's made blatantly obvious when you don't which then reveals you were merely wearing your "face" in person. Facebook shows everyone you're "friends" with every time you interact with other people you are "friends" with. Those you really don't like soon begin to wonder, "hmm, they interact with everyone else. I guess they don't want to interact with me. Are we friends?" Sad but true.
       Many of relationships are shattered because of the freedoms online. I'm not sure people fully know how to manage these freedoms for the good of all yet, or realize how revealing their actions or lack of actions are (unless of course you are the one being rejected, in that case, you realize it all to well *hugs*).
     Anyways, I guess as I get older I expect more from those I allow close to me. I've never been one to stick around were I felt unwanted or cling to people that didn't have a desire to cling back. :-) Friendship needs to be mutual. Friends should be equally excited about each other and equally willing to meet in the middle and sometimes give more than they are getting. So for me I'm thankful for the revealing aspect of Facebook, though it's caused many tears I feel the pruning always makes me stronger and more secure with the love I do have from those that truly love me and I them. :-)

We pray and surrender

         My hubs and I have been house hunting the past few weeks. If you've ever house hunted you know the emotional roller coaster it takes you on. "I love this house!", "No, I love THIS house", "Agh! I hate this house, umm, wait, no I change my mind I LOVE it" not to mention the countless houses you love online but are sold before you get to see them. The mixed emotions that come with finding a place to dig roots and start a family is exhausting. Thankfully I have God and I'm not left to my own wishy-washy feelings.
        Before we started this process we committed our ways to the Lord. We agreed we would pray about every step. We believe,"The steps of the Godly are directed by the Lord. He delights in every detail of theirs lives." and if we "Seek His will in all we do He will show us which path to take." The Bible also says, "He (God) determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live." Being confident in God's desires to lead us we have laid every house we've loved at His feet. He has closed every door thus far. Of course we could have pushed our way through, but we fear the Lord and honor Him, so we humbly bow and let go, no matter how emotionally connected we've become to a house. He has something better.
        No matter how many times we tell ourselves not to get attached to a house it still happens. Our minds begin filling the house with our stuff, we envision our future kids playing, inviting guests over for dinner, holding Bible studies, watching our dog run in the yard. So it's painful when a door closes. It's as if a part of you is being ripped away. The good part is ultimately after a few tears and words of encouragement to one another, we know God is control. We don't submit our ways to Him because He forces us to, we do it because we want to. Because we trust Him. He knows best.
       When we pray and surrender our will for God's will. We know we're risking losing things we think we want. Though painful, we are soon pleasantly surprised when He gives us more than we expected. He blesses us with things we  truly want and need, but didn't recognize. 
       This is the confidence we have in our God. He has good plans for us. This goes for every area of our lives. When we pray, we are taking a risk, but the risk is worth it because the things we lose are replaced with things He knows we'll love. It's a choice. My hubs and I have chosen to be people of prayer. People led by the Holy Spirit and people that allow God to give and take away as he pleases. 
       House hunting has been tough because our emotions continually getting in the way, but God has been faithfully keeping our paths straight. We know at the end of this we will be planted exactly where He wants us.

Secret Affection

I'm surprised by some people's reaction to this new season of my life. I find it weird that people who have never made a point to talk to me, reach out, respond back, or who have never expressed their feelings toward me are now upset that I didn't share personal details of my life. It always throws me for a loop when this happens, when people expect to be treated like intimate friends when they've only act as acquaintances despite on going efforts on my part.

I'm not sure why we do that. Why do we expect to be included when we ourselves have not included?

Relationships are a two way street. We may feel very fond of someone in our heart, but until we share that with them how are they suppose to know? Sometimes we develop a relationship with someone in our hearts without it being a true picture of the actual relationship. This happens because we keep our fond feelings to ourselves and  assume the other person feels the same, when in reality the other person may feel very different. If another person has not given us a reason to believe our relationship is more, then maybe it isn't!

I for one, do not give myself away cheaply, at least when it comes to my inner circle. I love everyone and will be a blessing to the extent of my ability, but when it comes to those I allow close to my heart there has to be some give and take. God has a purpose for me and I'm not going to waste time chasing people down that seem uninterested. Neither should you!! In friendship there has to be mutual excitement about each other, a common interest and desire to know, include and share with one another. That's what friendship is! 

If we want people to share their personal lives with us then we must be a safe place. Instead of getting mad when people don't share with us, we should ask, "Why didn't they feel safe with me?", "Maybe I didn't invest enough into them?", "Maybe I didn't participate in the nurturing of that relationship the way I should have?"...etc.

I believe it's arrogant to assume we hold any place in someone's life if we haven't even had an in-depth conversation with them. And even more arrogant to be upset with them for not freely giving us that place. How can someone be blamed for not knowing another person's secret affection toward them?

I think when people are genuinely nice, some may assume they can invest less into them, because every time they come face to face, that person is nice to them. But the truth is the person is not being nice to you because they consider you a friend, they are being nice to you because they are simply a nice person and are nice to everyone. I think people may assume that with me at times and maybe that's why they are hurt about the "surprise" changes in my life. Maybe they assumed they held a place they didn't?

I am sincerely saddened by those who may have been hurt, it was not intentional. At the same time I feel no responsibility to lug around guilt when there was no way for me to know that some felt closer to me than I did to them.

Busy, Busy...

Wow, October has been extremely busy for me to say the least! It's been a wonderful type of busy though...

I GOT MARRIED!! 

We decided to have a super small ceremony (six people), and save the rest of our "wedding budget" for a future down payment on a home, whether that be this year, next year or whenever. I know that's not the best decision for everyone, but it was for us and God blessed us with tremendous peace. It's like a huge weight lifted off our shoulders when we settled in our hearts to do what we felt peace about, and were not given to the pressure of "tradition".

After we got married my husband and I went on a 5 day honeymoon! I was thrilled to spend  time with my man, but I was also excited to see my brother again! My brother left for boot camp months ago and I hadn't see him since. He just so happened to be stationed near us for those 5 days (okay we planned it that way *smile*). We didn't spend every day with him, but we did make a point to meet up several times! It was such a blessing to me! After we got back from our trip we spent another 5 days moving my stuff into my husband's apartment.

While moving I ended up spraining my ankle when I tripped over the curb while stuffing my stuff into my husband's trunk...ouchy!! Praise the Lord I didn't sprain my ankle to bad. I was only stuck in bed and hopping around for 1.5 days. Then I was able to walk, but not work out. I tried working out, but the pain started up again so I just took it easy. After a week or so of doing nothing strenuous (just shopping ha-ha) I think I'm finally ready to work out again.

I've had a blast shopping with my husband this past two week! I'm so thankful I married my best friend! We simply love spending time together because of the friendship we've developed over the years.

I  love creating a home for us and filling it with joy and laughter! This season has been so amazing and it's just beginning! I can't wait to see all the God change that unfolds in the months to come!