Gifts Differing - notes & encouragment

    One of my favorite hobbies is studying personality types. I love the work of Isabel Briggs Myers. She was not a psychologist, but her work, "presents, in understandable language, the ideas about personality type from famous Swiss psychologist, Carl Gustav Jung, as they apply to normal everyday people with normal everyday problems" (Gifts Differing pg xi). I also love that she was a christian, passionate about the differing parts of the Body of Christ.

    As I was reading Isabel's book, Gifts Differing, I highlighted what popped out to me, as I do with almost every book I read, and wanted to share a few things, since I have yet to find someone in my sphere as passionate and interested in this as I am (introverts love talking about subjects they are interested in). 

     Chapter 17, Obstacles to Type Development, is a powerful reminder and encouragement to allow people to live authentically, out from under our thumb and expectations. She shares how, "less-frequent types find their infrequency an obstacle to their development." My husband and I are both "less-frequent types" according to MBTI personality system. This knowledge connected a lot of dots, and made sense of much of our experiences growing up. Feelings of rejections, inferiority, isolation, lack of connection etc all made sense since we were always massively out numbered. This chapter began to stir me, even more, about my future kids and how recognizing who God created them to be is vitally important to their development.

      In, Gifts Differing, Isabel continues to share how a lack of acceptance at home is another obstacle to a child's development. "If parents understand and accept their child's type, the children have a spot of firm ground to stand on and a place in which to be themselves. But if children suspect that their parents want them to be different- to go against their own type- then the children lose hope." (pg182).  The lack of opportunity presents another obstacle, "Unknowingly parents frequently refuse their children the conditions necessary for good type development; the young introverts who get no peace or privacy, the extravert shut off from people and activity, the intuitives tied to routine matters of fact, the sensing child required to learn everything through words with nothing to see or handle, the young thinkers who are never given a reason or permitted an argument, the feelings types in a family where nobody cares for harmony, the judging types for who all decisions are handed down by excessively decisive parents, and the young perceptives who are never allowed to run and find out" (pg183).

     Chapter 19 goes on to, Individual's Road to Excellence, "preferences are inborn, but just as parent's frequently try to make a left-handed child right-handed, they may try to convert a sensing child to intuition, or a thinking child to feeling, to conform to the parent's inborn preference. Unless stoutly resisted, such pressure can be a serious hindrance to the development of a person's rightful gifts" (pg193).  

      The more I study personalities the more I'm totally convinced that the world needs this! More individuals need to be empowered with this knowledge to help bring peace and wisdom to their communities and circles of influence.  I know I would have thrived in public school if my teachers and authority figures knew and cared about such things. I always struggled because I was an introvert. It was so hard for me to take tests and learn in a classroom of 20-30 kids. I couldn't sleep at night and spent the majority of my childhood filled with anxiety and stress, visiting counselors and seeing a few doctors. My parent's even tried to get my schools to allow me to take tests in the library or somewhere more quiet but we got nothing but eye-rolls, because they had no clue about introverted people. Really? All this over a personality trait? As an adult my heart breaks for the little girl I used to be, nobody understood her. :-(

     Throughout my childhood teachers would put me in after school tutoring, remedial classes, tried to hold me back a few times. My family did not know about homeschooling. The public school system is a crowded, loud, obnoxious place for some personality types and it's almost impossible for us to thrive. Once I stated taking online college classes I thrived and I enjoyed learning tremendously. I discovered that I learn well on my own and I'm extremely self-motivated and don't need someone standing over my shoulder. It makes me sad knowing I could have been an excellent student with amazing grades, had the school, my parents and myself known about personalities and our God given brain functions. 

     Thankfully, I can already see God turning my ashes into beauty, through my passion to help others learn about personality type, and through my future kids who will be blessed with the wisdom God's allowed me and hubby to learn on our journey. 

       How many people are trying to get others to conform to their own inborn preference? We don't understand each other because many of us don't realize there are many ways of being, even God knows this and shares it with us in scripture. The Holy Spirit doesn't give everyone the same gift, why? Because God knows their is value in differences. We are all assigned a different part/function in the body of Christ, why? Because it takes a whole, healthy body to do the work God desires, not just a foot or a hand. Personality types go right along with this idea. It's who we are. We are not clones or robots. God created us with such beautiful details and these details matter.The study of personality is the best way to grow as a society, a family, a church, a friend, a parent, a spouse. When we learn to give people room to be who God created them to be, we all thrive.

Personality Psychology

        One of my passions is personality psychology. Ever since childhood I would study people. I'd notice things and put together patterns about their behaviors. I'd see their hearts and the secret things causing them sadness, and things that would make them sparkle. I didn't understand it all at an early age but I knew I felt things deeply. I would feel and see what those around me didn't even if I didn't have the words or courage to speak up.

       When I got older I was introduced to personality psychology. "Personality psychology looks at the patterns of thoughts, feelings, and behavior that make a person unique". I began reading books, took a sociology class in High School, then started attending a discipleship class at my church that focused on personality types as a way to helping individuals and communities grow. I was hooked!

       The Bible talks about putting in the hard work to get along as a community of God. Lack of community is the biggest thing hindering the church today. It's not the outside world or anything else we can list, it's the lack of solid community. It's not that we don't want community, which can be the case sometimes, it's that we don't know how to create a thriving community with so many distractions and selfish ambitions. Personality psychology helps with this - it teaches us to celebrate each others differences, roles and functions. God created everyone with  unique functions. We can see this in the spiritual gifts listed in the Bible and how the Bible uses parts of a human body to describe the unique placement of individuals within a community. God created us as moving, living, parts of a whole.   

        Many of us carry a spirit of divorce. We will drop friends over anything. We don't carry a sense of commitment to one another. If we knew how people's cognitive functions played a role in their personalities, hopes, dreams, desires, fears, hang ups etc. we'd be more gracious and less willing to drop people. Cognitive Function is an intellectual process by which one becomes aware of, perceives, or comprehends ideas. It involves all aspects of perception, thinking, reasoning, and remembering (Medical dictionary). I'm not a professional personality psychologist, but I see how the basics of personality can help a group of people thrive. 

         Some of my favorite typology systems are the Enneagram and MBTI.  I enjoy the Enneagram because it includes growth charts that help individuals track their level of health. You can see how your personality expresses itself depending on your level of health. This helps ensure you never fall into self-destructive patterns. I enjoy the MBTI because it breaks down our cognitive functions. Our brain functions truly dictate our personality. God created us each unique. When we understand how our functions work we will be more understanding of others. 

          I know one young lady who applied to numerous jobs. She finally got a call back for an interview. The first interview went well, then she was called back to interview with the second manager. The young lady said she knew the second manager did not like her, and she was right because a day later she received a call saying, "Sorry, we are looking for something different." What happened? Why did one manger like her and the second dislike her instantly? Could it be they found different personality traits more/less appealing? The second manager had a knee jerk reaction to the young lady's personality and saw it as a negative, whereas the first manger saw it positively and called her back. How often do we see someone negatively because we don't understand  their cognitive functions. Personality doesn't make someone right or wrong, just different. God takes pleasure in these differences and so should we. 

          In my past, I remember a woman actually telling me she was trying to make me more "fun". In her mind, her extroverted personality was the right way and my reserved personality was wrong. But, let me tell you, I've tried my whole life to change with no success. Because everyone from teachers, coaches, friends etc have made me feel "wrong" about myself. Sadly, this is the case for many reserved, sensitive, feeler types. America celebrates loud and it encourages extroverted traits, whereas, other countries frown upon such personality traits. Environment plays a big role in whether someone feels accepted or rejected. (Word of encouragement: Always remember the world is bigger than where you are!)

.       It's stressful and draining when we try to change our personality. Once we learn that our personality is rooted in our cognitive functions we see how pointless it is attempting to change it. Everyone's personality style should be celebrated because we all bring something to the table. If the second manager was a bit more introspective she'd see how it was probably her own beliefs about personality that caused her to rejected the young lady. She probably had a set idea of what personality style was right and wrong - as many of us do.

         A community of people thrive when each personality type is equally represented. We can see how Human Resource managers often struggle with this. They tend to higher the same type of people and the success of those they higher only solidify their bias. Unfortunately, human resources managers don't see how those they've rejected often go out and have successful work experiences elsewhere. There is no right or wrong personality type. 

        The study of personality is important for all communities and individuals and I love incorporating it when ministering to people. If you really want to appreciate someone and respect their differences have them take a personality test. Learn about them. See the world from their perspective. You may find they'd make a great life long friend, or a great business partner. You never know until you truly see them for who they are.   :-)