There are dangers when judging people by their body language and facial expressions. I used to believe we could read people by their outward expressions, but the more I grow the more I'm realizing how wrong our expressions often are. Many things contribute to the way someone represents themselves and their nonverbal communication. These things include but are not limited to anxiety (fear/worry), depression (chemical imbalances), current events (positive or negative), health/sickness, family life etc.
When interviewing for a job, or meeting new people we try and put our best foot forward and give a good first impression. However, I didn't know we needed to put work into representing ourselves day in and day out. I just assumed the truth in my heart would show through on it's own. But as I'm currently learning, many things we have no control over play into how others read us.
For instance, have you heard of the RBF? Forgive my language, RBF stands for "Resting B*tch Face". I wish it was called something else but that's the popular term. It's when your natural resting face looks mean or serious. I think I've suffered with this my whole life, but only realizing this within the last two years. It makes me wonder how many times I given off the wrong impression when in fact my heart was full of love.
If I'm not purposefully putting on a pleasant face, my face naturally looks mean - it's just the way my face muscles rest. Am I a mean person? Absolutely not! Actually, if you ask those closest to me they'd say I'm silly, thoughtful and forgiving. By only judging my face you wouldn't know this. I may come across as unfriendly or uninterested when in fact my facial expressions have nothing to do with what's going on inside of me. With this discovery I'm learning not to put a lot of weight in people's faces.
Along with our face, our expressions to different life events can be misread as well. Miscommunication is a bigger issue than I ever realized and communicating well is a lot more work than I ever imagined! We have different ideas about what reads as - pleasant, excited, sad, dismissive, accepting, sarcastic, rude etc. We have ideas of what these things sound and look like to us, but others may have a different opinion about those expressions or not even realize they are using the wrong expressions. Unless we are willing to put in the hard work of good communication we likely encounter miscommunication with the majority of people we meet. How many connections are we missing out on because people don't respond or act in a way that lines up with our senses.
You may read shallowness, phoniness, and sincerity one way, while the friend you're getting to know sees those traits a different way. Unknowingly they end up giving mixed messages about their sincerity because they don't have a "mirror" to see themselves. Anxiety may be causing them to give off the wrong signals, causing you to read them wrong. There are so many things that factor into a person's nonverbal communications. How many relationships have we walked away from over miscommunication.
Look at criminals, they are master communicators. Some of the worst serial killers walked among normal people and were held up as model citizens until their exposure. They mastered good communication to a certain extent in order to manipulate our senses and build trust. Most people however don't study human behavior that closely, we don't have criminal minds or criminal motivations. We go our whole lives misrepresenting ourselves, or believing the wrong things about others. Nonverbal communication is a huge obstacle simply because we don't know we're doing it wrong or that it even exists.
From here on out I'm going to give extra grace to people and give the benefit of the doubt, realizing most people don't know what they are actually communicating. Miscommunication is the cause of many walls that separate us. As I continue to see the stones that build these walls, I'll continue to write and expose them in hopes we can grow in unity and love for one another.
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