Anxiety and Christians

  "I know the end of the story, I come out from the wilderness leaning on my beloved." -Jon Thurlow

       Spending many years enveloped in the Christian system I knew the pressure to avoid all signs of anxiety. Yet, I sincerely struggled with anxiety since childhood. In many Christian circles such things are considered demonic and you are looked down on. I spent years bouncing from counselor to counselor trying to be “healed”. I went to countless prayer meetings, revivals, classes, fasted for days, read books etc. I believe I exhausted every outlet I could. Despite struggling with anxiety, God met me where I was and answered other prayers I had, but never addressed this anxiety.

       The pressure to hide my anxiety made it worse. The most freeing thing I’ve ever done was stop caring what other Christians think. Admitting when my anxiety flares up, admitting something is bothering me, admitting the struggles I face at times has brought more healing than any prayer meeting. I say this as respectfully as possible, knowing full well the power of prayer. It no longer fazes me when I hear crazy religious comments about anxiety because the people making those comments have never truly experienced an anxiety disorder. I see the comments for what they are, and from whom they come. These individuals have merely felt the anxiety that is common to most people – not a true, full blown, chemical imbalance. Those same people would gladly welcome a cast for a broken bone, pain medication for a headache, a prescription for high blood pressure, even surgery to remove an organ etc. Yet, anxiety must be cured spiritually. It’s hurtful for those struggling when in fact some anxiety disorders stem from the brain and can be picked up in brain scans as clearly as a bone fracture and the chemical imbalances often connected with anxiety show up as clearly as one’s insulin levels.

         At one point in my life I was prescribed medication for my anxiety and depression. The medication helped me tremendously and I was making great gains in my life. The prescription truly took the edge off and I was able to function normally. The down side was the significant weight gain and overwhelming sleepiness. For these reasons, I eventually stopped the medication thinking I was fixed, but slowly fell back down to where I was. I could not sustain the gains I made without the medication. Every time I fell back down I’d feel ashamed and broken, like, “what’s wrong with me?”

        Another season of my life led me to natural hormones, which again helped for several years until my body got used to them and they stopped working. I was told it could take 2-3 years before my body would respond to them again. I didn’t want to take synthetic hormones since I had read many bad long term side effects, and I didn’t have health insurance at the time. This led to another dark season of my life struggling with my health. When our body is out of balance everything messes up, not just anxiety, but everything! Our entire body functions with hormones. 

         Through prayer, I believe God led me to a Christian Chiropractor in 2009, where I learned about so many things, like “The power that created the body heals the body”, but not in a spiritual sense, but a physical sense, like, “Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food” (Hippocrates). I learned that our body was created to heal itself if given the right things. I changed my vitamins, I no longer drank milk, barely touch eggs, and hubby and I juice several times a week now. I’m always learning something new. For example, I always did cardio workouts, but I learned cardio can mess up my fragile chemical balance because my body thinks I’m under stress. Resistance training, weight lifting, and walking are better choices for my situation. I also learned about the power of natural Iodine and how many people are deficient in it.

         One of the most important things I’ve learned is how to follow peace (You can read my thoughts about my “peace zone vs comfort zone” in my book Remain and Oaks of Righteousness). Growing up in a Christian system where many people considered anxiety a major sin I picked up a bad habit of trying to fight anxiety every chance I got. Instead of following peace, I felt I had to confront my anxiety and push through; this is draining and continually sucked the life out of me. I’ve found so much life, love and joy simply following peace and avoiding anxiety. Sometimes the best solution is to walk away from something that is causing you anxiety, not try to conquer it. I would even argue that, that is what God wants from you anyway. Jesus is the prince of PEACE, we are following Him, therefore, follow PEACE. This revelation has truly brought new levels of freedom in my life. I no longer fight unnecessary battles, but I am winning the war in my life.  

         Since making these changes in my life my hormones have balanced out tremendously, but I still do struggle with anxiety and that’s okay. I’ve picked up many copping tools, like art therapy, gardening etc., that have brought me more freedom than any of the other religious things I’ve encountered. I’ve learned how gentle and kind God is to me. He walks with me. He cares. He knows me better than I could even imagine and He proves it over and over again in the most intimate ways.  

          There is no shame in our weakness because in our weaknesses He is strong and mighty. There is no shame leaning on Him, that’s the point, He wants us to lean on Him. He wants us to depend on Him. He wants us to be open and honest. He wants intimacy (into-me-see). We don’t have to have it all figured out and put together. He takes our broken pieces and makes something beautiful.