Church relationships

      " Real wisdom, God’s wisdom, begins with a holy life and is characterized by getting along with others. It is gentle and reasonable, overflowing with mercy and blessings, not hot one day and cold the next, not two-faced. You can develop a healthy, robust community that lives right with God and enjoy its results only if you do the hard work of getting along with each other, treating each other with dignity and honor." - James 3:17-18 THE MESSAGE

       In church we  usually hear about loving the lost, money, or personal growth. But what about our relationships with each other - church members - the body of Christ? There is a lot written about how we should treat and love each other in scriptures, yet I never hear leaders give a message about it. It's no wonder people are being hurt and leaving church. How are they to know if no one is teaching them?

       Obviously God thought it important enough to put in the Bible. We should consider it important too. How are we to love outsiders if we can't even get along and love each other? Many I've met who don't go to church, are people who have been to church, but stopped for whatever reason. It's easy to put the blame on them, tell them to toughen up, or get over it, but that's not right. Is it really their fault? I personally don't think so.

           It's not like they or the offenders have learned how to handle a dispute in a Godly way, or how to confront one another in love, or anything else the Bible speaks of about our relationships with each other.  If we don't teach the Body how to handle one another in a Biblical way we will simply carry out what we've learned in the world.

           This is one of my passions because most people I meet are not against the idea of church. Most of them have already been members at some point -they've been there and done that. So, what's that say about us?

          Look at me, I'm in transition and don't not have a church home (fellowship) in this season. I'm a perfect example. Much of the brokenness we went through may have easily been prevented or mended if we all knew how to respond to hurt in a Biblical way. But no one on either side has heard or seen it modeled. All we know how to do is walk away. God forbid we confront someone and try to resolve anything without being ignored, called judgmental or sensitive.

          My hubs and I could give a list of hurtful things that we've experienced in church over the last 13yrs and most of which are not petty. Your mouth would drop on the floor if we were an open book. You'd realized we really did stick it out for a long time but grew weary and decided we were healthier, happier, safer and more fruitful on our own (at least for a season).

         Some people leave church for shallow reasons, of course we can't go around and waste time over people's issues like paint color etc. (but again we shouldn't' roll our eyes and let them leave in a huff, these people need a shepherd to teach from scripture how to be grateful and not nit pickers so they can grow and mature.) I know leaders hear all sorts of complaints and maybe learned to block it out. But some have not left over such silly things, they left over things that could be resolved if we as a body matured. If we are taught what the Bible says about conflict within our walls. There are many letters to the churches in the Bible exhorting, encouraging and teaching the Body how to get along. It's important.

          My question is who is teaching this from their platform? If my hubs and I ever have a church we've talked about dedicating a weekend message every month or two about loving our church family and how to handle conflict. We are people, all with different personalities, ideas, hurts, and expectations. We need to learn how to get along, not just put on a fake smile and pretend to like each other.

        The Bible says we must put in the hard work it requires to get along. The reason the Bible talks about us getting along so much is because the outside world is going to know we are HIS by the love we have for one another.