Secret Affection

I'm surprised by some people's reaction to this new season of my life. I find it weird that people who have never made a point to talk to me, reach out, respond back, or who have never expressed their feelings toward me are now upset that I didn't share personal details of my life. It always throws me for a loop when this happens, when people expect to be treated like intimate friends when they've only act as acquaintances despite on going efforts on my part.

I'm not sure why we do that. Why do we expect to be included when we ourselves have not included?

Relationships are a two way street. We may feel very fond of someone in our heart, but until we share that with them how are they suppose to know? Sometimes we develop a relationship with someone in our hearts without it being a true picture of the actual relationship. This happens because we keep our fond feelings to ourselves and  assume the other person feels the same, when in reality the other person may feel very different. If another person has not given us a reason to believe our relationship is more, then maybe it isn't!

I for one, do not give myself away cheaply, at least when it comes to my inner circle. I love everyone and will be a blessing to the extent of my ability, but when it comes to those I allow close to my heart there has to be some give and take. God has a purpose for me and I'm not going to waste time chasing people down that seem uninterested. Neither should you!! In friendship there has to be mutual excitement about each other, a common interest and desire to know, include and share with one another. That's what friendship is! 

If we want people to share their personal lives with us then we must be a safe place. Instead of getting mad when people don't share with us, we should ask, "Why didn't they feel safe with me?", "Maybe I didn't invest enough into them?", "Maybe I didn't participate in the nurturing of that relationship the way I should have?"...etc.

I believe it's arrogant to assume we hold any place in someone's life if we haven't even had an in-depth conversation with them. And even more arrogant to be upset with them for not freely giving us that place. How can someone be blamed for not knowing another person's secret affection toward them?

I think when people are genuinely nice, some may assume they can invest less into them, because every time they come face to face, that person is nice to them. But the truth is the person is not being nice to you because they consider you a friend, they are being nice to you because they are simply a nice person and are nice to everyone. I think people may assume that with me at times and maybe that's why they are hurt about the "surprise" changes in my life. Maybe they assumed they held a place they didn't?

I am sincerely saddened by those who may have been hurt, it was not intentional. At the same time I feel no responsibility to lug around guilt when there was no way for me to know that some felt closer to me than I did to them.